clarity: a half-full kind of girl.

due to response from my last blog post, i feel as if i should clear up a few things.

now that my head is clear and perspective back, please allow me to lift myself from the hole i dug :)  :

1. that day was a really down day for me. it was as if that day was speaking for all the others. i needed a release that day. (why did i chose blogging it? seriously, lyds…get a grip)   i needed to get out the crap that was infiltrating my mind. yes, CRAP. honestly, this past month has had moments of sadness, but an even greater number of days of smiling and renewed relationships. (i do have 4 new nieces and nephews). if you know anything about me, you would know that: 1. this is not normal behavior for me and 2. i don’t hate my life, i rather enjoy it. i’m a half-full kind of girl. that post was obviously not what a half-full person thinks like.

i thought about taking that post down, but then i decided not to…it was a day of sadness. a day that over-dramatized itself and hurt people, myself included. it’s a reminder of a place, a state of mind, i never want to dwell in. ever.

2. speaking of knowing me, if anyone knows anything about me, at all, you  know that i love my family more than anyone else on this planet. i adore my family. my family is THE reason why i am able to be a stable person. my family is THE reason why i’m able to do fun things. i LOVE my family. if you were a housemate of mine, aka allie, danita, peita, odette, gaby, you would know the times of tears spent longing to be with my family, those times of special family gatherings and babies and parties and holidays…and you would be quite sick of me talking about them and showing you pictures, over and over and over. :) but i dare anyone to quiz my housemates with flashcards as to what child belongs with what sibling and who their spouse is…these girls know the Cazzell familia.  p.s. christmas was wicked yet again, and yes to all my friends across the world, i will put up pajama pictures.

3. i have NO regrets. i made my choice to come home. nobody forced me back. nobody threatened me. nobody did any manipulation…except my sister-in-law who said she would take down the pictures of me in their house. hahaha :) joking, people. God led me back home. i fully trust that. yes, it has been difficult adjusting and getting back into life here and finding my place again. but i’m still very secure in the fact that this is where i need to be. however, please be gracious to me and help me with this transition. i ask for time, patience, and encouragement, but no pity parties (on my end).

4. not a day has passed by that i don’t thank God for everyone here and everyone there, the opportunity and the beauty of life and adventures. i’m blessed beyond words. “all of my life, in every season, You are still God. i have a reason to sing. i have a reason to worship.”

5. i apologize if my sadness has caused you hurt, it was done unintentionally.

may i also say thank you, for those who care for me enough to not allow me to stay in a funk, but help to gently lift my eyes off myself and to look out into a new adventure.

so, raise your glass (or in my case,your  grande, extra hot, skinny cinnamon dolce latte with an extra shot) to toast to 2011. may it be a year of new beginnings and joyous laughter. may it come with beautiful memories and silly pictures. may God’s grace and favour rest upon each day.

in the words of the count of monte cristo,

do your worst, as i will do mine.

all my love- xx

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